


Pattern

by Iamnamedsilence



Series: Inktober 2019 prompts stories [10]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Character Study, Coming back to life, Gen, Inktober 2019, mild identity issues, post The Search for Spock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 17:04:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21019238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamnamedsilence/pseuds/Iamnamedsilence
Summary: Is there any similarity? Vulcan mind, human mind, they are different, but Spock’s mind is partially human, so maybe the way his mind works now and the way Culber’s mind worked then are similar. There would be logic in this.From the short stories series written for Inktober 2019 prompts.





	Pattern

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, I kind of made an effort to adjust the idea I had while watching the second season of Discovery to the prompt.

Spock thinks of how his mind works right now and if it even is still his mind.

He remembers knowledge, that he will not come back alive and the need to preserve at least a little piece of his identity. Pouring it into a friend, something that was illogical to do without consent, but he also remembers, how desperate he was. Should he be ashamed of this desperation?

But he hadn’t done it because he hoped to be revived. He hadn’t known it would even be possible.

No, that is not true. He remembers a man, his sister’s friend, killed and then found in an impossible world. To a degree, those are similar situations, he concludes.

What would Hugh Culber say? Spock would really want to speak to him right now and ask of how his experience was, how did it feel for him, to die, to return, to look again at the person he loved the most, to try to find himself again. Was it similar? Spock did not ask him then, because there was no time and because he had never expected, he would end up in such a situation himself. And yet.

Is there any similarity? Vulcan mind, human mind, they are different, but Spock’s mind is partially human, so maybe the way his mind works now and the way Culber’s mind worked then are similar. There would be logic in this.

Spock would gladly ask, but it is impossible. Whatever happened to Hugh Culber – Spock has no idea. Over the years, he tried not to think of Discovery. Emotions are always difficult and even that he had learned to control them, they remain and they are painful. Because to think of discovery is to think of Michael, and he doesn’t want to think about her.

He looks into a mirror, his face, not his face, the body that was reconstructed on the impossible planet, the brain inside modified by the preserved thought patterns.

He remembers all his life, even this part of it: the sister no one speaks about, the reason for it her ship, her crewmates, the name of the man who died and was returned, the similarities he suspects now. There is sadness, hidden deep, controlled. There is a memory of loss.

Those are his memories and his emotions. The control over them is his as well. So, in the end, they are the logical answer: what he is consists of memories that create him, even those oldest one, even those, he keeps for himself. And the fact, he remembers such details now is good: the consciousness fragment transferred into a new body used the familiar brain structure as a base for reconstruction.

Yet, he would like to be able to speak to someone who experienced the same thing. This is the emotional part of his mind speaking, asking for reassurance and Spock is aware, he cannot get it and that the only person he knows about coming back from the symbolical other side is not available. And there is no one who would understand this and who would tell „yes, I know, it was the same for me.

So he thinks he needs to talk to Jim and that is good too, that is part his emotions and part a logical choice.


End file.
